I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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