Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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