I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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