I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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