I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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