we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
