the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
