we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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