ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
