so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
