yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
