I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
