I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
