some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Say something about gay babies.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
