nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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