on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
