Christians are straight up FREAKS
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
