how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
