I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
