Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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