I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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