So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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