Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
