or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
