If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
