I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
