im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
