I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize