he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
