I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
