it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
