i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
