and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
