I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
