please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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