Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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