i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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