just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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