Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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