is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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