Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
