After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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