did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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