Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
