I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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