If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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