Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
