i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
