I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
