Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
