Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
