I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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