So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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