is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
