And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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