Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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