you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
