i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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