So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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