Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
