those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
