omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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