can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
