Need sex. Gaining weight.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
