saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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