I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
