He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
