Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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