Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Say something about gay babies.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
