I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
