Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
