Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
wow bdsm is so cute
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
