Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
