You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
