I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
