Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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