My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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