Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
