It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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