She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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