Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
