if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
