I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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