If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
