Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
