I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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